Uncoiling the Old, Infilling with the Gold

What an interesting few days this has been. Christmas Eve, my sons returned. My older son brought his younger brother home and had planned on spending the holiday weekend with us. Instead, he surprised me by saying that he felt the need to be alone for Christmas Eve and day.  He was only stopping for a moment. I found myself in reaction, anger flashed through. I saw the root of it as the fear that it was. Fear? What was this about? Quickly the fear uncovered this huge pit of grief that rose up my throat and came pouring out in huge wracking sobs. My son and I had been unwinding this coil bit by bit over the past couple of months but here we were at the nub of it. I saw a lifetime where we lost one another as well as the grief of parting on the higher planes as I took form and he stayed aloft to work his magic. Our tie is so deep and elemental to both of us. This is the son who had spoken telepathically to me in the first seconds of his life to remind me of our connection. He told me that he had known me from the beginning of time and that our love was forever. I had felt that he was a gift to me and that I might not have much time with him, so treasure it, I must. And here was this grief at the intense feeling that I might never see him again. We both released the tears and the energy and allowed the peace to fill our hearts. We know that we have a mission and that our paths will cross down the road once again. We also acknowledged that it mattered not, as our hearts were always in communion. Deep sighs........whew. I thanked him for caring for himself by taking time when he needed it rather than trying to please anyone else. For trusting his inner knowing and honoring himself, first and foremost. It is essential as we move into these new energies. Also for coming and allowing this release to take place for both of us as all fear must go, all old memories stored in our dna that keep the vibration of fear alive. We are being emptied of all that is tethering us to this 3d hologram. 


Emotional release is exhausting work! I then had a dinner to prepare and I felt like a damp towel, all wrung out. I suggested we call it off but my younger son felt it would be fun and said he was up to do what was needed. It came together and was a nice evening though I felt low key and a bit off balance. It was what it was, and I let it be that. 


Christmas day was quiet, no gifts, no big meal, no one but my son and I. We enjoyed our tiny tree and a walk in the crisp air and the ease of leftovers in the fridge. Peace filled day. I took a nap on the couch by the tree and lights and found myself in that dream, not awake but not asleep state. I recall trying to open my eyes and move my body, but I could do neither. I was at the Great Central Sun and I saw and felt how huge my being was. I found it delightful to recognize others by their light even though all the light looked the same. Yet, there was a knowing of one another's vibration. I was weaving light strands and knew I was a master at it. I was smiling at how I knew that I would never forget who I was and yet how I had in this lifetime. I saw the dearness of myself in this incarnation and felt amazed at the smallness of my life compared to the vastness of my being. That made me laugh! I knew that the time of expansion was upon me and that I was to bring that energy of that vastness through in this body. I did not want to awake and come back, it seemed too heavy a task. I wanted to bask in the light of home. Yet, I knew that was the mission, to bring the light of love and anchor here on this earth plane. It was the Christmas gift from home that I had been looking for. To feel the knowing once again and soak in the essence of the Creator once more. I felt refueled. 


Today, what would have been my 29th wedding anniversary brought up the loss of expressing the love that had created my marriage. My former husband and I had not been in communication for quite some time. My daughter had skyped from Montreal  where she was spending the holiday with her boyfriend and his family. I watched as those feelings of loss came up of the intact family, the family home with the big tree and trimmings...all that I had left behind 5 years ago. Sobs, about 30 seconds worth as it seems the emotions move through so quickly these days. As it happened (Spirit has such a way with timing), my former husband had emailed about a desire to get together a couple of weeks back. A couple of suggested times did not work out so I suggested today for old times' sake. I had felt it was important to meet before the end of the year. He agreed and we met for lunch. We sat at the table and held hands and simply looked in one another's eyes for a few minutes. Huge event as for the last few years of our marriage, he could not look me in the eye to speak as he was leading a double life though I did not know it. There has been much pain and heartache over the years. Yet, here we were, looking at one another until the tears came. There was simply the love. We had both played our parts well. His role was the darker one and it was the catalyst to my discovering my own beauty and worth. It was so wonderful to acknowledge the love that was, is and will be. It is a stream that began eons ago and flows always to the Creator's heart. All love continues as our souls know the truth. We ate and then walked and I felt joy filled. My impish sprite came out to play and we joked and teased even! He asked if I now understood why he had sent me a photo of myself taken when I was about 8 years old. He said that he had always loved that photo as he felt it captured a pure expression of energy and goodness and he could see that same look in my eyes today. Such a relief to see the barriers fall, to see him inhabiting his body once again and witness the clearing work that he has done to open his heart. Our hearts ever wish for happiness for all those we have loved and love still. 



As I walked home, I felt like skipping just as I did as a child on my way home from confession on Saturday mornings, (a rite of Catholic children to cleanse our souls for the receiving of communion at Sunday morning mass). Free, so free! I felt my angels and guides clapping and laughing in delight that I had passed this test. I was love and I held to that reality and shone it through this relationship. We had come back to love once again. Oh, the joy! I asked my son to take my photo when I returned home to record the joy that I was feeling. I love all the ways that the universe has conspired to trigger the old coils of pain, of fear, of victimhood, of playing small, of heartache, of misunderstanding in order for them to be unwound. I have spent tonight in meditation and invocation, calling in the Christ light to infill me with its Golden hue. We are being rebirthed into our true selves as we take our places on this planet as the true ones. We are holding the portals open wide for all to pass through with our mother as she ascends to her starry birthright. I am feeling my starry nature tonight and see all your shining lights so bright. Let your heart lights shine......there is only the love. Embrace it. I embrace you in my heart. 

Love and Rage......the dance

This is my latest painting, first one done in my son's art studio here in San Francisco. It is such a joy to paint side by side with him and critique one another's work. Our styles and subject matter are very different but our sense of beauty is shared. Of course, my focus is divine love and the beloveds coming together. Yes, still waiting for mine to show up! Painting the feeling that I have, helps me to anchor it here in the physical. The golden chalice is a reoccurring theme for me. I believe that twin flame couples have a chalice that they fill with their love each day. I invite the Creator in to add Her/His light and love and offer it in service for the highest good of all. This painting brings my beloved closer as well as reminding me that he is always with me.

11-11-11 happened and much energy was moved. Exiting duality is tougher than I thought! This is a deity whose name I cannot recall from the Retreat into Snow Mountain that I did with Tom Kenyon. He said that this was one of the protectors who he called in to secure the space while we went through our transformations with White Tara and Black Tara. A fierce being who helps in destroying (releasing is a gentler word) all that no longer serves us. It seems that the energies of 11-11-11, released blocks that we had. Once released, all the emotions that had been stuck, could suddenly move. It felt a bit overwhelming to have old, old stuff coming up. I had to remind myself and friends who called, (love that we can share these experiences without judgment) that it was coming up to be felt once again before departing for good. Feel it, witness it, let it move one through is my mantra. I felt it was the final uncoiling or unwinding... please say it is so!! I found myself going into judgment of myself as I felt and expressed anger. My oldest son was bringing me his understanding of unity consciousness and my ego sprang into attack mode (see the claws on this creature!!) as I felt judged. My ego wanted to impress upon him that I have been on this path for longer than he, hence I should know more. Ha! He was being the mirror for me to see all the places where I was judging myself and not loving me. He did have new knowings that benefit me. So there was a fear that I was not so wise and wonderful. A fear that I had missed something and had gotten it wrong.

We have to love every part of our shadow. All the icky parts that we have hidden away have been released and are asking for love. "Will you love me, Linda even if I got it wrong? "On the heels of this melt down that involved all the ways that I have not been seen in this life, I interfered in the relationship between my sons. Yikes! Ok, duality consciousness again, judgment of myself again. Ego ran screaming, I want to live alone! What am I doing living with my kids??? As if that would protect me from painful things coming up. No, I know it does not work like that. I can be all alone and things will come up through a phone call, an email, an encounter. Life shows up and our higher selves are ever vigilant to continue bringing us what we do not want to look at. They know that until all is brought to the light of day and loved, we are bound. And we are freedom loving beings. We want to be free emotionally. We want to live our truth in each moment. We want to be the love that we truly are.

Surrender seems to be the name of the game over and over. Surrendering and returning to that place of peace and love in my heart. Calming the inner storm, allowing the truth of the love to make itself known once again. And loving the wild woman who surges out as in loving her, I am released from her. I am grateful for all of me that is showing up. I am grateful for the light that is filling in the spaces where I let go of the past. I am grateful for a new moment to begin again. I am grateful for all the loving hearts that reflect my love back at me. Thank you!

Hearts Opening

A more active day as I moved from the downstairs area to the upstairs of the house I am renting. I enjoyed cleaning, mopping the floors, washing windows. I have not owned a home in a long time and I found that I truly enjoyed the activity today. The owner is giving me a good rate as I help with the cleaning between renters. I did not have to wash windows but wanted the view to be crystal clear. The upstairs is the main house and has a different energy. Tonight I luxuriated in a hot bath (the water heater had been on the fritz for a couple of days so it was doubly enjoyed) and then lay on my bed with the french doors open to the deck. The sky was overcast in a deep blue cover with an underskirt of the softest cream resting on the horizon. I felt so blessed by its beauty. The cool air on my overheated skin, the stillness, the colors......I felt as if I were drinking it. Great waves of appreciation went from me to all of it. I feel so blessed to have this assignment at this time on the planet of being in nature and enjoying her beauty fully. What a cushy deal! I am so grateful it is my job! In the hot bath, I had felt this love energy moving through from my heart to my hands and I cried out in my desire to hold everyone in my love, to gift each person with this deep rest that I am experiencing. To allow all to feel this communion with the Divine. To let the love that is permeating the ethers, the water, the rocks, the sky......to let that love fill each one's heart to overflowing. I am savoring every moment of this time and sending that enjoyment and love into the earth. When we are in our joy, we open the pathway for others to step into theirs. We are not taught this, rather we are fed guilt if we are having too much fun. We have been taught to taint our joy with the thoughts of the suffering of others. Yet how does that help anyone? So much of what we have been taught has been backwards. I stand radiant in my joy, and in doing so, it is anchored on the planet.

I had a couple of phone calls tonight from dear hearts close to mine, expressing tears of frustration due to the fatigue they are feeling and the overwhelm of life's challenges. We are programmed to believe that we must be productive and when the body demands rest, our minds berate us for not going to that event or getting more accomplished in the work day. We believe that there is something wrong with us as others seem to be doing alright. The comparison game is odious, another lie to keep us in line. Recognizing that this is old programming coming up to be released, can be a relief! There are intense energies flowing into our physical bodies at this time as we are being rewired. Deep rest, whenever you can get it, is necessary to integrate them. It is time to allow yourself to listen to your bodies and to let your minds drift. Let go seems to be the mantra this month. Letting things figure themselves out, caring for what needs to be done but dropping all that is not essential. I reminded one of my dearest, that the old was up for release as so much more of her was waiting to come in. How lovely to welcome in more of our true selves who love us so! The little me's of I am not good enough, I have not accomplished enough and all the rest, are going so that our more expanded and conscious selves can take up residence. And our new selves adore us! They get the mighty beings that we are.

I had a lovely peek at what is coming today as hearts are awakening. The handyman came to work on the hot water heater again. He had been a couple of times in the past week as it kept going out and at one point, even the water turned off. We ended up having an incredible conversation. He comes from a Christian background but he was so open to the new energies. He knew that he wanted to expand beyond any doctrine and move past the separation of a belief system. He has been meditating in the mornings and been receiving visions and insights that he was not sure if he could trust. I was able to affirm for him what he was feeling, that he was right on. He felt that he had healing in his hands and had a deep desire to heal children. I held his hands and a channeled message came through for him, confirming his healing abilities. It was so lovely, the communion we felt. We hugged and told one another that we loved each other. This is the new way. We are being gifted with views into one another's hearts and the beauty is beyond words.

This painting is one that gives me great joy. It is by my friend, Lea Bard. These pink flowers seem to dance with joy and I want to sit and look at them in the pretty wallpapered room she created.

http://leabard.com/site/ENCAUSTIC_WORK.html

Pink blossoms, muffins and Shambhala Masters

Sitting in bed at 11:33 pm eating the remains of this morning's delicious muffin. Last night I did not sleep much at all. I felt nauseous and out of sorts, the earth was moving on some deep level and I with her. Today I napped in the late afternoon with the feeling that I could sink into the bed forever. We are entering into the equinox, the time of balance. Am I turning upside down in mine? Many are feeling overwhelmed as they continue to push themselves to work that seems to have no end and schedules that allow no room to breath. This is happening everywhere as there is less staff and more work in most businesses. People try to keep up, to juggle all the balls in the air until eventually something gives. For me, I began to cry in meetings, cry in my office, tears of frustration that it was not possible to do all that was asked. For many it is their health that gives way and allows a way out. All strives for balance and what is not in balance will come to the fore for resolution. The old way of moving through the world will not be sustained in the new energies. This can feel frightening yet each moment offers the possibility of balance and peace. For me it seems that it all comes down to trust. Trusting that all will be well. The old way of trying to control it all is not working. Doing more is not the answer. Surrender is the name of the game.

The rain today is feeding my soul. As did these pink hollyhock blossoms, catching the raindrops and filtering the misty light through their petals. I am in this blue/green/grey/white world of forests, mists, and waters and then there is this wild pink! A shock almost of color that dances across my heart. I am a lover of pink. One of the things I loved so about India was the use of bright pink and orange together. I was just doing a meditation where they described the color of the love flooding in as pink-orange! Of course.

Today a friend called to ask me to vision with her. She began to tell me what had come to her to prompt the call. She saw us looking down at a "verdant valley". Those two words triggered an outburst of sobbing. I was sitting in a cafe at the time but the tears knew no time. I could not say what it was but it was as if the words were a key that opened a deep recess in my being. Every cell in my body knew to respond to those words. We journeyed into a space of such beauty. She is the visionary, I the feeler. Together we see. We were asked to don our Shambhala robes. We were told that we had earned them and that they were eternal. More sobs. Shambhala masters were with us, greeting us and working with us. We were seeding our visions of the New Earth. The women were in a circle, then an outer circle of men. Light came streaming in the center of our circle. My free hand was moving, weaving the strands of light. There were babies coming in, we were holding them. Then the men bent down to gather the babes in their cloaks, guarding and protecting them. It was so beautiful as it was the new masculine, sure in its strength and clear in its role. The women were laughing and dancing, flirting with the men as they were free to play. The raising of the children was shared by the fathers as well as the trees, the air, the elementals. The babies were so protected and honored by all. I cried at the freedom for the young women, to dance and laugh and be in their joy. And I cried at the pride of the young men as they delighted in the women's play and in their strength as the protector. The babies were so excited to be here, to be in this place of peace and joy. Codes of light streamed down from the heavens. The earth opened to receive this light with such reverence. All felt sacred.

The time is here. We are called to our roles. I feel drawn to the stillness to purify my being. To make sure that there is no distortion in my field as this template must be laid down in truth and in peace. All that is not truth, will be magnified so it must come through with purity and love. We have been witness to the distortions in Atlantis and other times and I cannot bear to have it end so. Every part of me is focused on bringing this vision through in its pristine wholeness and holiness.

I write and speak these things not to elevate my ego but rather to aid in my own adjustment to who I am. We are each beings of great light. We are masters or we would not be on the earth at this grand juncture. My personality self shies away from claiming my self hood. As I speak of these things, Shambhala master robes, being a creator being, crowns of stars...I am allowing myself to breathe into the vastness of who I am. I know that we cannot play small any longer. We must shine our full light out into the world. As I step into my truth, I widen the space for each one to enter into their truth.

Here is a fairy house I came upon in the woods. Isn't it cunning the way the spider wove the roof and the leaves laid the carpet? My grandchildren will be able to play with the fairies openly, all will be seen and known. The delight of this knowing, fills my heart. The fairies are pretty excited too! They are ready to be seen and interacted with on a grander scale. All is ready to be seen on a grander scale. We are ready to be seen by others and most importantly, by ourselves on this grander stage. I love the costumes! We get robes of fabulous colors and textures as well as swords, crowns, staffs, unicorns and dragons to ride and crystals and wands to play with. We do indeed get to be as little children again as we learn to live in the moment. I heard Lindsey Wagner speak (the actress who played the Bionic Woman on TV years ago) and she said to watch little children emote. They are so dramatic in their tears and tantrums but then they are free to feel the next wave of emotion that comes if we do not stop the process. If we allow the expression, it clears and they are free of the emotion. I loved this quote of Lindsey's: "Pain is a wave. Suffering is a sea wall." That really hit home for me. It is time to ride the waves in our lives. We can be choose exhilaration or terror. It is all our choice. I am ready for the ride of my many lives!

Experiencing Heaven on Earth

Here is the view from the kitchen window where I am at present. You see the ocean, the mountains and can speak to the trees. Today I looked out my bedroom window and saw a deer lying next to the fence, quietly staring at me. The window was open as I love the cool salt air streaming in as I snuggle under the soft pink sheets and white downy duvet. I said hello and we had an exchange. She was so sweet and content in her cedar bower. I felt one with her, nestled on the moist earth, feeling the elements around me. The other night I floated free in my friend's amazing Japanese soaking tub. The experience is very different from the usual plastic hot tub. It is so soothing to smell the wet wood, feel the heat of the water, float on your back in the De Vinci original man (or in this case, woman) pose of arms and legs outstretched. I stared at the stars, smelled the pine trees and felt that I was an element.....water, wood, earth, sky, stars, linda. All of a piece, oneness.

Add the fragrance of lavender and I am part of heaven on earth. I picked this bouquet for my window sill so that the breeze from the open window wafts it across to my slumbering form. Truly heaven can be found now on this earth. It is our perception that creates it. There is magic abounding but we have to tune in to it. As we slow down and find the pathway in the stillness, we are gifted with so many insights. All of nature truly conspires to uplift and delight us. Makes sense to me as I wish to uplift and delight those around me. In our oneness, we tap into our eternal nature which is love. And love is always giving. There is no holding back, no discrimination or judgment of who is worthy of love. We love because it is who we are. It is not given to receive as we have been taught. It is given, as to not give, makes us separate from our truth. Our truth is that we are beings of light and love and we radiate that in every moment. It is our choice to line up with our truth or not but in the end, all will return to love as there is no other path. There is a saying that all roads or paths lead to God and my belief is that God is love. So all paths are the path to love. When we surrender to this path, we feel such a relief as we accept that giving love is our natural state. We have known this all along and have felt the weight and pain of closing our hearts in any way to anyone.

It is time to throw open our hearts and rejoice in the truth of our being. I love myself for loving as I do. Someone may return my love with anger or mistrust but it matters not. I can smile inside as I know the effort it takes to maintain such a stance. And I know that sooner or later, each one will come to the truth of love. I give my love as a blessing, it stands. It may not be accepted by them at the moment, but at the perfect time for them, they will open their hearts and my love will be there like a shining crystal that they can take into their heart to add to their own heart light. Heart light.....two years of my song playing in my head...turn on your heart light. I am beginning to see the strings of heart lights gather and soon it will look like the most glorious Christmas with all the heart lights strung, turned on and shining through the darkest night. We can navigate any path ahead as heart lights will be lighting each step of the way. The fun thing is that the more that you turn on your heart light, the brighter it shines. By using its voltage, you are granted more. What a system!! I love this universe of ours! I love you.