Opening to Our Divinity

I love peonies and was delighted to visit a display of dozens of varieties that I had never seen. I was amazed as I peered inside a few, at the vibrant colors that resided therein. So much beauty. The petals enfolded the inner beauty and it took some probing to uncover the lime green stamens, coral filaments, deep dark centers that were hidden inside. I laughed with delight at the amazing colors and textures swirling within. I felt doubly gifted as I enjoyed the richness and softness of the outer petals as well as the beauty that lay deep within. And of course, the lovely fragrance that filled the air.

The peonies seemed to be a metaphor for the process of uncovering our divinity. It takes gentle probing and a desire to go beyond the surface presented to us. Fortunately we are in a time of flowering as humans and we can align ourselves with this divine timing as the flowers do. We are in the spring time of our lives. As our petals softly open, our beauty begins to be seen by those around us. As we accept the first flowering of our own beauty, we are lead on to discover deeper levels. We can do this so gently by allowing our essence to expand.

I held space for a healing recently with a dear friend. Another friend was talking her through it and giving the visuals of what was happening. She asked my friend to expand her essence, to let herself shine fully. Take a deep breath right now and feel yourself fill up with yourself. It is a lovely experience! Drink in your essence, let yourself become the sun that you are. Feel your flowering. Unfurl those delicate petals. As this happened, the issue that had been holding my friend back, appeared as a vine growing around her. As she expanded, the vine began to loosen its tendrils. Gently, oh so gently, they began to fall away. I held the image of my friend's beauty firmly in my heart and watched as the vine completely let go from every part of her. She was free to radiate her essence out to the world without the former constriction.

This spoke deeply to me as I could see the importance of this in the new energies. Much is coming up to be released in all of us. Fears of every sort, old pains and heartaches, relationship woes, financial concerns, anxieties, you name it; it is coming to the surface. Our patterning is to contract, to resist these seeming unpleasant feelings. But the contraction only tightens the vines hold. Or if you think of it as the flower, the petals close and the inner beauty as well as much of the outer beauty, is lost to sight. By expanding your own essence, breathing deeply into the feelings, and allowing them to pass on through you without attaching to them, they move readily away. As the flower opens its petals, you can sometimes see the hard seed covering still partially attached. The opening, pushes the covering off and it drops away. So as we open ourselves to everything that appears in our lives, our petals will unfurl and our beauty will begin to be seen by ourselves and others. Our burdens drop away and we begin to breathe in the sweetness of our essence.

The more we desire the flowering, the more we will be gifted with. The universe lines up all that is needed for the next step, the further flowering. It is a divine dance as we are witnessing the beautiful flowers that we are. Such variety! Such colors and fragrances! Each unique and so filled with light. It is such a delight to witness the unfurling of the soft petals. Become the flower that you are. Open to your divinity and breathe deeply of your sweet perfume. It is as easy as a breath and as soft as a sigh. You are so beautiful, I choose you for my bouquet today!

Emerging From the Confusion

This was a beautiful willow sculpture at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens which I recently visited with my aunt. There are layers and layers of branches that have been intertwined into lovely, lyrical sculptural forms. I love the organic nature of these works of art and the way that they sit in the landscape like nests of some unknown creature. I feel as though they could be my nest. As I peeked out of one of the openings and my aunt caught my image, it occurred to me that I have recently emerged from a tangled, jumbled time of criss-crossing paths and intertwining timelines to land in this present moment. I have traveled the four directions of Canada and the USA with no real knowing other than tuning in daily to the call of Spirit. I could not articulate what I was doing though I knew that it was mine to do. Mostly it was being and driving! Lots of driving in my dear Maxie, she of the rainbow light.

I am emerging into a clearing, an opening within myself that offers an overview of my soul's journeying. These past two weeks have provided me with a deeper knowing of my path and its relation to the whole. I have been gifted with the knowledge of my mission. I know that this is the time that I came for. I had been telling everyone that it took 55 years but now I am at the juncture of my soul's main thrust for this embodiment. I felt it before I knew it. Now the knowledge has come in to join the feeling and there is so much gratitude and awe. I am expanding and integrating this newness.

I returned to the West Coast last night and am resting with all that has occurred. My travel day yesterday was filled with profound blessings. The synchronicities that lined up just made me laugh. Of course, this person who I knew to start a conversation with, turned out to hold a key for me. Of course, as I passed a phone call off to my friend to continue with another while I said my goodbyes, healings occurred with the others. It was a day that flowed with beauty.

Now today I am resting and integrating. Knowing that the next steps will be coming to point me on my way. I know that there is movement afoot and perhaps quite a bit of it again. I have been told of a land far away where I am to reside. I feel only acceptance and peace. There is nothing for me to do. I do not have to go there now. I do not have to figure out how I will or any of the wheres. whens, whos. I am simply to flow with Spirit in love and gratitude. I have been given a partner of light to share my mission with. Not a romantic partner but a twining that strengthens and nourishes me. We are not to be together, we will be in opposite directions as we do our work. This does not dismay me, it simply is. I accept this and feel the joy of the coming together in spirit to do this work and the comfort of the connection that phones and email can bring. I am being gifted with all that I need for the task at hand. I trust that I will continue to expand as I need to in order to carry out this plan.

The biggest message has been that it will all be done in joy! There is to be no efforting, no pushing, pulling, lifting up. It is all new energy that moves so fluidly and I know how to use it! The time of magic and miracles that I have been expecting, knowing was to come, has arrived. I was a couple of years off this timeline but now all has lined up.

More and more of us will begin to be given these insights as to our new roles in this new earth. The next six week period will be one of immense change for our planet and our spirits. Our hearts are turning on and we are connecting with our Mother Earth and one another. What a time of rejoicing! I lay here on this couch and breathe deeply of the gift of this moment. I am so grateful to have made it here to be able to flow my love out into the world and to feel the beauty of your hearts, one with mine.

Espavo! (thank you for taking your power)

Moving Through the Gateway to More of Myself

It is an interesting thing in these times how we will be called to an event only to discover that the important nugget or aha for us, had little to do with the original idea of why we were there. I found this to be the case during my recent time in Virginia. The workshop was wonderful and I was so happy to remember the ways of working with the elements and the land. I felt expanded and renewed. Yet, that was not the reason that I came.

At one point during a break, I had to go and stand by myself under the trees. I was overcome with tears and emotion. Those of you who know me, know this to be a frequent experience for me. I am moved to tears so often these days as the beauty will hit me in such deep waves. I could feel that I was being asked to do something, I knew not what. But I could feel it coming and I did not feel big enough for it. I knew that I was being asked to hold more of myself, more of the light. I finally lay on the ground and prayed for assistance from my mother Earth and my angels and guides and my Mother/Father God. I surrendered my will and asked to be enough to carry out the task with grace. I called out to my special friends: Shiprock, the rock formation at the 4 Corners area of the USA that offered me its strength and balance last summer and a redwood tree that witnessed a commitment ceremony deep in its huge hollow trunk that I have reframed as a commitment to my highest self rather than to another. I spoke with my dear friend who had journeyed with me and she said, "Drop the container." Oh, it was that simple. I was trying to expand this vessel and found it too small. I could not breathe myself big enough though I was trying! As soon as I heard her words, I was out of my body and expanding across the galaxies. OH! Yes, this is the way of it. Drop the vessel, drop the limitations, the old way of being. We are huge beings of light walking around in these small bodies. We can return at any moment to our true origins by intending it so. I saw that I was a star and could look down upon my world here with such tenderness for all of us. I could see our beauty shining so brightly. We look to the heavens and marvel at the luminosity of the stars. We are looking at ourselves! We are seeing our own beauty.

Late that night after folks had left, there remained the hosts, my friend and I. We were fortunate to be staying at their house for the weekend. The hosts stated that something needed to take place. Ah, this is why I was here and I knew that I was to be given the next step on my journey. A candle was lit, we sat on our cushions with our knees touching as we formed a circle with our four bodies. We all followed our breath into that space of connection to Source. We stepped back and allowed Spirit to come through as She/He wished. It was beautiful how quickly and completely, resonance was established. In an instant, the vibration found harmony and every cell in my being knew it. Channelings and visions came through and we were gifted with more knowing of who we were. It is hard to remember all that happened as there were so many layers. Our hosts are married and we saw how they married people to themselves in deeper ways in the work that they do. My friend and I were married on a level that was new. We are both female but in the new, we are not limited by gender or sexual persuasion. We are in oneness with one another in such deep ways, it is as if you are in love with everyone as yourself. You see everyone in you and yourself in everyone. You know that there is no division. It is difficult to put into our words but I gained an understanding of the unity consciousness that we are moving into. There is such a sense of fullness, completeness. There is no need for anything outside of yourself. All is wonderful and to be enjoyed and appreciated but there is no need or yearning for someone or thing to add unto. I felt the river of God's love pour through me and flow out in an endless stream. I am so filled in every minute and my greatest joy is to flow it out to all in my world. We are givers, it is our nature. There is nothing nor no one to hold onto. All flows and is given and received. A beautiful dance. I saw a beautiful chalice filled with an elixir of love that was created from all four of our essences. We all could drink from it. We all added to it and partook of it. We are co-creators with the Divine. We come into harmony and resonance with one another, allow the Divine to enter in and creation takes place.

I was told of this next step, how I am a connector, bringing together hearts of light and showing them the ways of honoring the earth and one another in this dance of life. Indonesia, Bali was mentioned as a place where I would "work". I know how to connect folks to one another and their starry origins. It is time to create as I had been feeling so strongly of late. It is time for the new communities of light to be birthed. I felt an acceptance of my task and a knowing that I am ready for it. I was gifted with these others to support me on my journey as well as a wonderful cloak from the Creator. I sobbed at the signs of love from the Creator and laughed at some of what I was shown of myself and this task. We were all given pieces of what is next and how to more fully step into our roles.

The amazing thing for me is how natural it all felt. I am grateful to my ego for so graciously expanding into and merging with my higher self. Truly, the more of ourselves that we have access to, the less we vibrate in the realms of ego that wants to be seen and known. There is only this desire to give the love that so freely flows through us. To co-create with the Creator.

The peace of this is hard to describe but it is such a deep sigh. Yes, that is what it is. A sigh of homecoming at last. Yes, I will continue to evolve and grow as all life does, on and on. But there is this sense of having crossed some threshold, moved through a gateway into a new realm of light. This New Earth where the vibration supports you so, where the breathing is deep and the air so clear. There is no more lifting the darkness through my efforting. There is being the love that I am and shining it out into the world. There is a part of me that is amazed that this is taking place yet the rest of me simply knows I Am that I Am. And I AM Peace. I Am love. It is the most natural thing in the world.

Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia. Every cell in me is smiling like the Buddha. So...I am here. Yes. Now I can truly begin in a new way as so much more of me has joined together in harmony. I am in the oneness and know that there is no going back. Hence the smile in my cells :)

That does not mean that I now know what I will be doing when I return to California and my car in a few days time. But it does mean that I know that the next steps will be shown. I can see an outline of this new landscape and am so ready to paint it in with beautiful colors. Oh, what a world we are creating!

New Ways of Creating

Time is such a fluid concept. Days pass and I am floating my way through them of late. I am on the East coast, enjoying time with a friend. We traveled to Virginia for a one day workshop on Sacred Temple Building. Yes, I flew across the country to attend this workshop as when I saw the email, I felt such a hit in my heart that I knew that it was important for me. I had a flash of doing this work in another lifetime and saw that my friend was one who worked with me. The hostess said that when she saw my name, she knew that my coming was important also. We all honored our knowing and opened ourselves to the magic. I truly love the way Spirit works in my life, leading me onward to more of myself all the time.

So here I am in the green, green loveliness of New Jersey and Virginia. The layer upon layer of greens has astounded me as my body has soaked up the moisture like a thirsty plant. Happy, happy! I have had walks in the woods where the mist rising off the ponds has made me feel that I am in the fairy realms.

The sacred temple building was conducted by Freddie Silva, a man who began drawing pyramids from the time he was three years old. He has visited thousands of sacred sites and made a lifetime study of the sacred geometry and elements that mark them. It was fun to witness the power of intention directed towards the elements and feel their response. Everything is about our intention and our sense of appreciation.

Over and over, I am receiving that lesson. Everything in our world is so grateful for attention. The plants, the flowers, the trees, the rocks, the water, the air we breathe. I am becoming so aware of how we all want to be seen and appreciated. Why would it be any different for the elements around us? It was fun to stand in a circle and call in the water to our circle from its underground places as well as the magnetic lines that flow around our earth. We each had brought a stone that we infused with our energy and love and asked it to hold the space for us. We created a hexagon site which is a shape that aids in learning. We created an opening to the East as it facilitates understanding. The power that vibrated in the space after we had called in and added our elements, was amazing. It was a highly energetic day as we shared so much with one another as well as with the land. Our ancestors had such a deep understanding of how to work with the elements of the earth and how to use the power of their intention for the highest good. We are reclaiming these gifts and expanding upon them.

I feel as though I am learning in a new way. A deep knowing comes up in me to meet what is before me. Information flows through my cells, is distilled in my heart and discernment takes place. It then flows out into the world of form. I can then begin to create. But I am co-creating as I am in relationship with the earth and all that resides on her, her different kingdoms, including others like myself. We are moving into a time of remembering how to co-create with one another, the elements and our Mother Earth. It is a beautiful feeling as I feel such a sense of wholeness and joy in this new energy. I like how it moves and I move with it. There is a deep resonance with it as the vibrations move through my body. The time of the mental realm ruling, has come to an end. We truly are learning how to think with our hearts.

A group of 22 ordinary people who believed in the power of intent, was able to create a beautiful sacred space in the space of a day. We dismantled the space at the end of the day as it was created for our learning but we now know how to go out and create sacred spaces wherever we live in the world. We can do it in our living rooms as well as in the great outdoors. The important thing is the doing of it, as to be in such a space allows you to reconnect and access previously unknown parts of yourself. That is what the cathedrals and stone circles and crop circles are all about. We are invited back to com-union with ourselves and our Creator. I am so grateful to be remembering this once again. It is so simple and so profound. All is sacred. All is Holy. We truly can walk through our world in this way and by the power of our intention, make it so.

Mula Bandha and Criticisms

Last week, or sometime in the not too distant

past, I was with a friend enjoying the warmth of the hot springs where we were camping. She had an upsetting experience where someone gave her a series of unsolicited comments about the way that she walked. The person told her that she moved from her hips and not her spine or some such thing. He said that she needed to have rolfing or some type of adjustment. The comments left her in tears as she had been experiencing back pain and so it was a point of vulnerability that he touched on. He said it in such a way as to say, hey, you have a physical defect. My friend is an athlete and so her body awareness is far greater than most of us. As we talked through the incident a few things came to light.

One was to center and know that her body was perfect and she was in charge of any healing that she needed. She had just completed a half ironman event so evidently, her body worked quite well. Two was to know that this stranger had crossed a line by throwing out unsolicited personal comments. He somehow wanted to connect with her and chose that means. Third was recognizing how the comments had hit a place of vulnerability and therefore triggered her own concerns. Fourth was to realize that she had allowed his comments to go right in and collapse her field. Fifth was the ability to gain a higher perspective and learn from this encounter.

My friend went from tears to laughter as she recalled a saying that her yoga teacher had taught during her teacher training. One of the key points in yoga is to hold your mula bandha ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mula_Bandha) engaged during the postures. It is: A posture where the body from the anus to the navel is contracted and lifted up and towards the spine. this is the grounding posture that holds the prana or life force in your body. Her teacher told them that you carry a field around yourself at all times. That field can be collapsed by others or yourself. He taught them to hold their field intact at all times. To let others' words wash over them without affecting their field. His mantra for this was:

Mula bandha, mula bandha, thank you!

He suggested that when someone said something hurtful or unkind or simply unconscious, to say this mantra internally or out loud to the person while pulling in their mula bandha which is a way to reset and affirm your field. Literally pulling into your core, strengthening your essence. And then thanking the person for the reminder to feel and fortify your own field as well as reminding yourself that nothing can harm your field unless you allow it.

Mula bandha, mula bandha, thank you! We practiced saying that over and over and laughing after we said it. How funny that someone would throw out random personal comments! Ha, how silly of them. It is nothing to me. We started saying ridiculous things to one another and practiced our response: "Your nose it too big." Mula bandha, mula bandha, thank you! and then a laugh. :)

It was fun to take that breath in, pull our cores in and feel the strengthening of that. To see that no one's words need have power over us. They are simply someone's idea of something. Ha! We have a choice to accept them or reject them or simply laugh at them. We can brush them away like a pesky fly.

These two figures that I saw at the art museum reminded me of the old way we had to armor ourselves and hold our stance in readiness of attack. In the new way, we know that we do not need to arm ourselves outwardly. We can inwardly set our energy field and go about our days knowing who we are. We do not have to allow anyone to define us by their words. Words do have power and can do great harm. How often have we allowed some comment made by another to replay its poison in our head over and over. Why would we choose pain by allowing those words to hurt us? So this was also a reminder to speak with love and kindness and to make our words ones that ennoble rather than tear down. We are our brothers' keepers and we can use our words to add to the love and gentleness of our world.

And if you someone who does not understand this happens to cross your path today, remember to say and act on the mantra:

Mula bandha, mula bandha, thank you!

Smile, laugh and walk away.

The Open Heart

This statue of Saint Francis was standing in the garden at the Santa Barbara Mission. You can see that it has weathered in the elements. I was caught by the way his chest has rotted away. To me it spoke of his heart which was so beautiful and open. He did not shield it nor protect it but left it open to all the elements. He faced much criticism in his lifetime from his family and friends who did not understand his chosen path. I could feel such a resonance with him. He opened his heart so wide to the people and animals around him. Now he can shelter the birds that he so loved. They can actually find a space to land in his heart.

I want my heart to be that open and sheltering. I want to see everyone through the eyes of compassion and love. I want my love to flow in a stream that never ends. At times, I feel my heart afire with love for everyone and everything. I can feel my heart light turn on when I sink into its beauty and light. It is a physical sensation, almost a burning pain that allows me to feel love ever deeper. Oh, Saint Francis guide my steps. Let everything and everyone feel the love of our Mother/Father God flow through me. Let my heart come undone. Help me to expose it openly, to stand naked before the world with it blazing bright with your light. There is only love.

I think the shattering of our hearts, the bruises and arrows we have endured are what open it ever wider. How did Saint Francis get a heart that was dug open to the world? His feet did not wear out, nor his hands nor arms. No, his heart is what was worn to the point of disappearing, to creating a cavity within that could now hold life physically as well as emotionally and spiritually. We are in the heart time. We are learning to think with our hearts. Trust with our hearts, trust our own hearts. We are expanding beyond personal love into the realms of unconditional love like our Mother/Father holds for us. We are being asked to come up higher and the pathway is through our hearts.

I am grateful for this statue of Saint Francis that has given me another clue. He is my guide this day, on the path to that heart space.

Clearing a Path

Yesterday I spent time clearing the pathway next to the cottage that my friends are so graciously hosting me in. It was rewarding on so many levels. First there was the delight that I felt energy moving through my body that wanted to be used. Hurrah! Second, I was able to breathe in the beauty of the trees, the sun-dappled shade, the birds singing and touching the earth so tangibly. Third, the path was one that my youngest son had been hired to relay years ago (don't you love friends who support your children!) It was fun to see how well it had held up, only lifting in a couple of spots where the tree roots had grown larger. Fourth, by clearing the plants from the edges, it framed the remaining spaces in such a way that their beauty was more clearly evident.

As I did the final sweep to clear it of all the leaves and debris, I felt an ease in my heart. It seemed to show me a way forward in my life. As we release clutter, belongings, relationships, beliefs, values, ways of doing and being in the world that no longer serve us; our souls can take a deeper breath. We are in a time of great releasing. The path helped me to clearly see how the pruning back of things in my life can be whatever I choose. I can see it as a painful letting go and clearing or I can see it as an opening and release. It is all perspective! More and more, that becomes clear to me as I can see so many different perspectives in a given situation.

Having cleared this path, I can walk more freely down it. There is space to wheel a wheelbarrow or skip to my heart's content. My arms can swing higher and wider as I step and my heart feels the joy of the openness. This path is inviting me to clear everything in my life that does not align with this new Linda. The changes are day to day. I find my sense of time dissolving as I live more and more in each moment. I am bringing more of me to the moments and delighting in all that I find.

I am off to clear another path today. May your day find you clearing something that allows greater access for more of your beauty to shine forth. You are so beautiful! I pray today that each person on this planet, awakens to their own beauty. In doing so, we can change our world.

Nature shows us the way

Looking at this beautiful lotus blossom, I had a discussion with an acquaintance about how nature never holds back from giving all. This blossom opened fully into her beauty, not worrying about whether someone would be there to see and admire her in her moment of glory. Not concerned if she liked the one who was admiring her or not. Not closing up at the approach of one whose vibration she did not resonate with. Not fearing being touched, not fearing fish nibbling her roots nor turning away birds or insects from sipping her nectar. The glory of blossoming is not the climax but rather a part of the continuum of growth, of giving, of expanding. Nature understands the necessity of the cycles of expansion and contraction, growth and decay, opening to the sun and closing to the wane of day. Some flowers open to the sun, others to the light of the moon. Each is coded to bring its beauty forth in divine timing.

I am feeling this message so deeply. To shine my light in every moment, to cherish my path whether I am in the moment of ragged growth or radiant blossoming. To trust so deeply in divine timing that I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that my gifts are spreading into the world as they should. Knowing that I am enough in each moment. Having the courage and fearlessness to express all of me in each moment. Allowing my essence to shine brightly to all around me. Knowing that I am coded to blossom, to expand and grow. Feeling the ease and joy of that knowing permeate my being. Turning my heart light on to its full luminosity. Let it shine, oh let it shine. Breathing deep and flowing forth with all that is here to be expressed today.

Mother's Day

A beautiful day, waking up in the apartment with my two sons...what joy! The three of us establish a resonance together that is filled with peace and ease. Mother Mary is very present with me today as one of the divine mothers and as my adopted mother of the past 25 years. This is my first communion statue that has somehow survived from my childhood, the only thing that I have from that time. She is so dear to me. She has listened to my prayers for almost 50 years! Today I feel her mother's heart beating with my own as we both embrace all the children of the world. And we are all her children.

The energies are running so high and low. Days of bliss and tears at the beauty and then days of anxiety and despair. All keeping me more fully in each moment. Accepting, allowing, observing. A friend was lamenting the weather, how it was different than last year at this time. I think that nature, with its recent extremes in weather patterns, is conspiring to bring us into the now moment as well. It is time to give up referencing our now with some point in the past. We are called to reorient ourselves. There is no fixed point. Having no fixed address, I have had to learn, and am still learning, to orient myself within my heart. Many are experiencing this as jobs, relationships, homes fall away. One is forced to be more conscious when so much of life is new and the routines disappear. It is a challenging time. Can we see a loved one as if for the first time? Can we respond to someone who has hurt us in the past, in the newness of the moment? Can we let go of our belief in how we are to act or react to a stimulus, and feel into it instead, allowing our heart to find a new way? X+Y no longer necessarily end up as Z. Can we allow ourselves to flow with our energy as it presents itself? I know that our society does not allow this. Most folks have to show up for work at a certain time and date, no matter how they are feeling. I believe that this will change in the new earth. A friend described a job she once had working for a man who understood energy and astrology and so knew that some days she would not be stirring from her bed. He also knew that other days, her energy would run high and she would accomplish a great deal. He allowed her this flexibility and it worked for both of them. Clearly, he and she were ahead of the times, tapping into the new. I believe that we are moving to this greater authenticity in all aspects of our lives.

I was talking about how my friends have to understand this new way in order to remain friends with me as my plans change on a dime depending on how I am feeling in the moment.I so appreciate all of them who have accepted this in me! This has been a hard thing for me to accept, my old consistent, dependable self did not like being seen as flaky. But some aspect of me knows that this is an important practice for me to follow. Today as we spoke of this, I heard, "You are doing this to pave the way. Do not concern yourself with others' opinions. Your example is opening a doorway to the new for many." Thank you for that, higher self!

A couple of days ago, I spent the day cleaning (yes, a surge of energy!) and as a reward, I walked down to the local flower shop to buy some flowers to put the finishing touch on the clean apartment. I was smelling the lilacs and enjoying all the beauty. I am like a kid in a candy shop when I enter a flower shop. The owner saw my interest and came over to discuss some flowering branches with me. We got into a discussion of fragrances and which were our favorites. I believe that roses are to have a scent. He concurred and said he had only one bouquet of roses in the store that was fragrant as well as lovely. He brought it over for me to smell. I did and then broke into sobs. It brought back the memory of my garden. I told him that for mother's day for many years, my kids used to buy me an old fashioned rose bush to add to my beautifully scented rose garden. The garden had been bulldozed at the end of my marriage as my former husband wanted a pool and patio instead. It was what truly signified the end of my marriage, as if I was being bulldozed from the scene. I did not realize the pain that was still there but the smell of the roses brought it back to be released. Andre choose one of the roses and wrapped it for me along with my branches of lilacs as a Mother's Day gift. More than the rose, was his gift of witnessing my pain and responding to it with love.

I am grateful for all that flowed to me and through me this day. I am grateful to our mother earth for all her gifts of beauty and nourishment. I am grateful to our divine mothers for their love. I am grateful to my mother for giving me life. I am grateful to my children for allowing me to experience motherhood. I am grateful to the sisterhood of women who are birthing the divine feminine back into this world of ours.

Sailing Through the Changes

So much shifting, it is a good thing that I have my little boat to carry me along! I made the ceramic base a couple of years ago. I was amazed to find it intact and still among my few possessions. I had never added the sails, as I had not found material that was suited to it. I was bagging up some clothes for Goodwill when I came across this top that I no longer wore. I loved the satin binding that held the buttons and it seemed a perfect sail material. I was so pleased with the result. When I showed it to a friend, she recognized the material as having come from the top that I had bought on a trip to Colorado with her. Amazing! I thought of that last week when I was helping my son to sort through his collection of clothes. We had some laughs as we recalled shopping together as well as who he was in each period the clothes represented. Bit of a life review, what the challenges were and the lessons learned. Our possessions do tell us a story about how we are living our lives. Right now, mine would state chaos! I feel scattered, some things in San Francisco with my kids, some at my friend's cottage, some in the trunk of my car. Where is Linda? I wonder that...

I went to a weekend conference with 100 folks from all over the globe who came together to co-create in this new energy. It was about emerging from the chrysalis. It was powerful and intense. A time of being seen for who you are, a time to exchange codes and activations. We created some wonderful energy that felt transformative. The sound of everyone toning their note was very magical. I am such a sound being though I am in silence most of the time. I do not often think to put on music yet I love sounds, especially the sounds in nature.

It was fun to hear how people felt called to be there. They came from Europe, India and two women traveled all the way from Australia. We are like butterflies and birds, following the call to be somewhere at some time. I no longer question why I am here or there as I know that at some point, I will see the larger picture and the dots will be connected. There is only the call and the response. I want to serve. Not my will but thine be done. The personality self has less and less to say, the soul is in the driver's seat and assumes the reins quite naturally.

I have been shifting and changing internally, feeling opposing emotions one after another. Sometimes, simultaneously. Agitation and peace. Joy and sadness. I have felt empty, depleted, as well as full. I could not reach to a place of writing which has been strange as writing is my way of processing life. Yet, when I am in periods of deep metamorphosis, all of my energy is consumed with my internal workings. There is none left for outer expressions. For someone who has journaled most of my life, I am just now seeing this pattern. I have been in the chrysalis. It is a place of deep sleeps, (like falling down a well and just as hard to come out of ) frequent intake of food and water, and stillness. Talking and communicating seem too heavy to bear. I have been away from the computer and the phone. I have a hard time getting my bearings and I am extremely sensitive to my surroundings.

I went to a quiet hot springs to soak in the healing waters. I love floating and drifting in warm water. I took a wrong turn and ended up driving an hour out of my way. I drove along a lake, which should have meant joy for me as I love looking at water. Yet the energies of the area were so dense that I felt uncomfortable. I could see the beauty with my eyes, but I could not feel it. I felt the heaviness and knew that it was no wrong turn. Rather, Maxie (my light being of a car) and I were to lay down our tracks of light there to help transmute some of the density. I did feel such gratitude when I finally arrived at the hot springs. The land felt sacred and I could understand why folks have come to it for healing for a century or more.

Back in San Francisco and my body does not want to move. Deep rest is still in order. Plans change and shift as my body is calling the shots and she says, we are staying put for now. Trust it all, that is the ticket for me. Let go and allow all to move through. I found myself resisting this fatigue that seems to engulf me once again. I go back to the thought that I am always in my perfect place, doing just what I need to be doing or being. I am enough in this space. I used to tell my kids to trust their inner voice as it was always taking them on a short cut to their highest good, no matter what it looked like from the outside. I remind myself of that tonight. I feel that something is happening on the earth that has me anxious and tearful and my body aching. I am called to feel it and let it move through me. I do not know what it is but I am feeling it flow and my heart is expanding to embrace it. Embracing the mystery with love.

I just connected in to Gaia's heart with my own to feel her energies. She is deep in the transformation also and I am given the image of birth. How all of my energy went inward. I recall my daughter at 17 months, chatting away to me while I was having contractions with my soon to be born son. I remember looking up at my former husband, beseeching him with my eyes, to take her out of the room so that I could be fully present to the birthing that was taking place. I needed all of me to bring my son into the world. Gaia is sharing this image to let me know that we are connected. We are going through this transformation together. As I breathe in, I feel her breath. Hence this need for quiet, safe energies to surround me. We are all birthing the new in us. I feel the sacredness and holiness of what is taking place. I am in gratitude to be gifted with the opportunity to witness as well as participate in this event. We are so blessed.