Love and Rage......the dance

This is my latest painting, first one done in my son's art studio here in San Francisco. It is such a joy to paint side by side with him and critique one another's work. Our styles and subject matter are very different but our sense of beauty is shared. Of course, my focus is divine love and the beloveds coming together. Yes, still waiting for mine to show up! Painting the feeling that I have, helps me to anchor it here in the physical. The golden chalice is a reoccurring theme for me. I believe that twin flame couples have a chalice that they fill with their love each day. I invite the Creator in to add Her/His light and love and offer it in service for the highest good of all. This painting brings my beloved closer as well as reminding me that he is always with me.

11-11-11 happened and much energy was moved. Exiting duality is tougher than I thought! This is a deity whose name I cannot recall from the Retreat into Snow Mountain that I did with Tom Kenyon. He said that this was one of the protectors who he called in to secure the space while we went through our transformations with White Tara and Black Tara. A fierce being who helps in destroying (releasing is a gentler word) all that no longer serves us. It seems that the energies of 11-11-11, released blocks that we had. Once released, all the emotions that had been stuck, could suddenly move. It felt a bit overwhelming to have old, old stuff coming up. I had to remind myself and friends who called, (love that we can share these experiences without judgment) that it was coming up to be felt once again before departing for good. Feel it, witness it, let it move one through is my mantra. I felt it was the final uncoiling or unwinding... please say it is so!! I found myself going into judgment of myself as I felt and expressed anger. My oldest son was bringing me his understanding of unity consciousness and my ego sprang into attack mode (see the claws on this creature!!) as I felt judged. My ego wanted to impress upon him that I have been on this path for longer than he, hence I should know more. Ha! He was being the mirror for me to see all the places where I was judging myself and not loving me. He did have new knowings that benefit me. So there was a fear that I was not so wise and wonderful. A fear that I had missed something and had gotten it wrong.

We have to love every part of our shadow. All the icky parts that we have hidden away have been released and are asking for love. "Will you love me, Linda even if I got it wrong? "On the heels of this melt down that involved all the ways that I have not been seen in this life, I interfered in the relationship between my sons. Yikes! Ok, duality consciousness again, judgment of myself again. Ego ran screaming, I want to live alone! What am I doing living with my kids??? As if that would protect me from painful things coming up. No, I know it does not work like that. I can be all alone and things will come up through a phone call, an email, an encounter. Life shows up and our higher selves are ever vigilant to continue bringing us what we do not want to look at. They know that until all is brought to the light of day and loved, we are bound. And we are freedom loving beings. We want to be free emotionally. We want to live our truth in each moment. We want to be the love that we truly are.

Surrender seems to be the name of the game over and over. Surrendering and returning to that place of peace and love in my heart. Calming the inner storm, allowing the truth of the love to make itself known once again. And loving the wild woman who surges out as in loving her, I am released from her. I am grateful for all of me that is showing up. I am grateful for the light that is filling in the spaces where I let go of the past. I am grateful for a new moment to begin again. I am grateful for all the loving hearts that reflect my love back at me. Thank you!

Separation Giving Way to Unity

August 27th

Sitting in this beautiful campground in Mount Shasta. Birds are softly calling to one another. Sun is streaming down through the pines trees to meet the campfire smoke rising to create a beautiful ethereal light. Feeling deep peace after a night of sleep where I awoke a few times feeling so happy! No specific memories, rather the feeling of sweet joy. I am here with a friend though she is taking a workshop that lasts from 10 till 10 at night so I have plenty of time alone. Last night I made a fire and watched feelings of loneliness arise in me. I haven't felt that in quite some time. I texted a friend in Montana who was at a sundance event so outdoors also. We spent the next couple of hours texting rather than talking on the phone. First time that I had done that as it seems so silly but it was fun. The slower pace, the staring into the flames, the stars common on both ends. He tends to play the clown so he made me laugh. The texting also allowed some deeper things to be said that fed my heart. The fire responded to my words of gratitude by throwing up deep green flames. A bit of magic and a reminder that everything wants to be acknowledged and wants to give to us. We too are made to give love and we respond to acknowledgment and appreciation. It is the natural state, giving and receiving love.

Just spoke to a friend who is also feeling a sense of joy high up in her chest. I am believing that everyone is being affected by the rays of love that are raining down on us. I feel this frizzer (is that a word?) of excitement, quiet but strong, running through me. I have not felt that in a long time. A sense that blessings are coming for all as we move more fully into the new way of being. One of my sons is currently visiting a transcendental meditation community in Iowa. He was remarking how the old way was to say, "Meditate for 20 minutes twice a day and your life will be good." He was observing how many highly conscious folks were still creating separation in their lives and consequently in their worlds. We have been taught to take care of our minds, our bodies and our spirits, that balance is key. Yet we still go about each thing with a sense of separation. Almost like a checklist: did my meditation, did my work out, off to the office...and the day runs on. The mindfulness stays on the meditation cushion or the yoga mat and does not enter in when we are cooking or shopping or doing any other task. I have always sensed that we were living our lives backwards, that there was to be a flow. That your physical exercise is meant to be a part of your living, that meditation is a state of being, not an activity. I do not formally meditate. There is a rebelliousness in me that does not like structure after so many years of living such a highly structured life. I can get lost in watching the breeze move a leaf or as I type this blog post. I was looking at some old journals and I had lists and lists: I will get up at 5 am and do my decrees, followed by exercise and then ten other things. On and on, I declared a day successful by what I had accomplished. I was a robot completing chores just as our mental programming dictates. I was such a good little slave!! And frequently I felt that I was not hitting the mark. I could get up earlier, work harder, keep the plates juggling in the air just a bit longer. Yikes! I felt such compassion for my earnest, striving self as I read those words. Taking everyone's issues as my own, believing that I could change someone's behavior if only I were more patient, or if I had done this or that differently. My, it is a wonder that I stood up straight with all the weight that I took on as my "rightful" burden. Whew. I am soooo grateful that those days are behind me and moving behind all of us.

In this new world that we are shifting into, the old programming is dropping away. We realize that we are of value for our beingness. There is nothing to do, no activity or endeavor that gives us value. We are inherently of value as our essence vibrates its signature out into the world. We can enhance that vibration, chose to bring it up or down, but to the Creator, our value does not change. I might assign more value to the tree that is shading me than one that has no leaves yet each is contributing its note to the whole. So we act from joy, from what makes our hearts sing. As more of us bring that energy into each moment of our days,

we enter into unity consciousness. As we chose to continue viewing and living our lives from a place of separation, we uphold that in the world. We have to realize that each action in our personal world, creates the larger world that we are living in. Every moment is sacred. Sounds almost trite but it is true. It is a practice to stay in a mindful awareness at all times. We flow in and out but by setting our intention as we put on our shoes: "Today I will walk each step in joy, each step I dedicate to anchoring peace on this earth." Or drink our water with the thought, "This water is feeding my essence, I am drinking liquid light." There are opportunities all day long to come back to center and allow our actions to serve on more than one level. Our intention makes it so. How easy is that? What a gift! Intention and attention.....flow. We can jump into the river of life and allow its current to take us. Our higher self has the plan well in hand. I affirm each morning my intention to align with my divine plan and the divine plan of Mother Earth. I do not know what that looks like. I trust that all that comes is taking me closer.

My towels, on the clothesline these dear trees are holding for me, are wafting on the breeze, my body is wanting to walk. There is a lovely 6 mile walk around the lake that is calling me. I haven't walked that far in awhile, I wonder how far I will go. I release any agenda, I know only that I want to walk. I intend harmony with the beauty around me. I am off.