Blue Colors My World

The color blue has been a presence in my world these past months. Most of my recent clothing purchases have been a lovely aqua or robin's egg blue, which was my favorite color as a child. Interesting how I am coming back to that now. I had two big blue experiences in Shasta, besides the blue blue water of the lakes. One morning I awoke from a dream where I had been at a naming ceremony. I was gifted with a new name. It was a very formal event attended by many. I was wearing my blue starry crown that I had been given, along with my sisters in Santa Fe, by the Divine Mother. A lovely deep violet blue cloak was put on me and I had my sword sheathed at my hip. I had a beautiful gown (I love the costumes we will get to wear again!) and I stood in my beauty. I was asked if I was willing to accept my new name with all the gifts and powers that it signified. Was I ready to fully step into myself? It was a humbling, reverent and joyous occasion. I did accept my new name and all that it represented. I recall the sense of celebration and joy. As I awoke in my tent, I was repeating the name, not sure of the middle name. It was Blue Star Lotus. When I told my elder son, he laughed and said, "Now you will fit right in with the Shasta crowd, Mom!" I do believe that we are all bringing in more of our true selves and have many names on the various dimensions where we reside as well as earning new ones as we evolve.

Another heart by Mother Nature, I am taking them all as signs of her love to me and to us! My

other experience is of a blue file box. I did another level of sorting with my few remaining boxes in Sacramento. All of my papers from our four drawer file cabinet had been reduced at the time of the divorce, into a plastic file box. I had not opened it in ages. I did not get to sorting through it before I left so I had brought it along, intending to get to it in the woods. One afternoon, I was suddenly in the mood to deal with it. I began to sort and toss papers into the nearby fire pit. I had no idea that I was to sort through years of emotions. There were my teaching credentials from NY State, Montana and California, records of my earnings over the years, records of things with the kids, letters of recommendations from parents of my tutoring students when I was homeschooling and applying for my first job in years, divorce papers, a few old letters, some writings I had saved, the rental agreement from my first apartment after the divorce, the car title changed from a couple to me...on and on. I sat and felt waves of emotion. It was like opening Pandora's box! My friend called to tell me when she would be back and then the tears came. Somehow they came more easily when relating the story to someone. She helped me to process it and let it move through me. My mind was fixing on plans, trying to get away from the well of emotion. Ok, breathe. I gathered sticks and a match and began the fire. It took a very long time to burn through all the layers of papers. It was a beautiful fire that kept me company for a couple of hours or more. I was so glad that I had done it this way as I was witness to so much pain and grief, being transformed into coals that sparkled like jewels. The red hot heat of the fire and coals was a thing of beauty. I had to keep moving my chair as the wind sent the smoke my way. I finally surrendered as I realized that the fire was asking to smudge me. To purify me, to aid in the releasing. Again, the elementals, helping me.

Blue box, blue star......I accept the beauty of both.

A Pair of Ducks Speak to Me

I did not walk six miles that day...walked about a mile or two and then saw an enticing spot to swim. There was a steep bank and I inadvertently descended on my butt and slid to the water's edge! The water felt great after my rather dramatic approach. I floated on my back until my ears got too cold. It felt so magical; cold water, big powerful mountain, sunshine, trees. Heaven. When I rested on the shore, I watched two ducks swimming by. I watched the male leading and the female swimming along behind. And a new thought came: the male was activating the "thrust" into the world, opening the way. The female was flowing with the opening, allowing her feminine nature to move gracefully along. I felt such deep resonance with this as of late, my thrusting into the world energy has deserted me. My feminine is ready for a male to take the lead and move first into the world, allowing my feminine to be sheltered so as to flow freely. This feels so different from the way I always saw it before..the female docilely following along. We were taught to rebel against that image yet I did just that for much of my life, allowing my partner to call the tune that I stepped to. I would not have said that was what I did, but in hindsight, I was constantly taking my cues from his emotional state and adjusting my behavior accordingly.

Nature is speaking to me in new ways. Or perhaps, I am tuning into her messages these days. New eyes, new thoughts, new ways of moving in the world. In Tom Kenyon's and Judi Sion's Mary Magdalene book:

The Magdalen Manuscript: The Alchemies of Horus & the Sex Magic of Isis

Mary talks about how the woman can not truly let down and open herself until she feels totally safe and protected by the male. The males job is to provide that sense of safety and cherishment for the female. I am so ready for this as I have not experienced it in this lifetime. I ran the masculine energies predominately but now my feminine is crying out for this balance. I caught a sense of the beauty of it as the ducks shared their message with me.

I love finding heart rocks and this was a heart image formed in the rock! Mother Nature saying, "I love you!" And I love her so. I have noticed so many trees beginning to turn color already, fall is in the air. I commented on this to a friend as we were discussing the discomfort in our calves and feet as we are being more fully grounded to our mother. She shared the calf issue (don't you love when others are having similar symptoms, somehow it makes it feel better) and also her dialogue with the elementals. She said that they are so excited about all the changes coming, that they are hurrying the seasons. They want to share in our joy as we move into this new energy and world. I felt the rightness of that go through me, yes, they are so excited! As are the angelic realms and as am I!

The painting is one of my recent ones and it made me think of the ducks and the flowing waters.

Separation Giving Way to Unity

August 27th

Sitting in this beautiful campground in Mount Shasta. Birds are softly calling to one another. Sun is streaming down through the pines trees to meet the campfire smoke rising to create a beautiful ethereal light. Feeling deep peace after a night of sleep where I awoke a few times feeling so happy! No specific memories, rather the feeling of sweet joy. I am here with a friend though she is taking a workshop that lasts from 10 till 10 at night so I have plenty of time alone. Last night I made a fire and watched feelings of loneliness arise in me. I haven't felt that in quite some time. I texted a friend in Montana who was at a sundance event so outdoors also. We spent the next couple of hours texting rather than talking on the phone. First time that I had done that as it seems so silly but it was fun. The slower pace, the staring into the flames, the stars common on both ends. He tends to play the clown so he made me laugh. The texting also allowed some deeper things to be said that fed my heart. The fire responded to my words of gratitude by throwing up deep green flames. A bit of magic and a reminder that everything wants to be acknowledged and wants to give to us. We too are made to give love and we respond to acknowledgment and appreciation. It is the natural state, giving and receiving love.

Just spoke to a friend who is also feeling a sense of joy high up in her chest. I am believing that everyone is being affected by the rays of love that are raining down on us. I feel this frizzer (is that a word?) of excitement, quiet but strong, running through me. I have not felt that in a long time. A sense that blessings are coming for all as we move more fully into the new way of being. One of my sons is currently visiting a transcendental meditation community in Iowa. He was remarking how the old way was to say, "Meditate for 20 minutes twice a day and your life will be good." He was observing how many highly conscious folks were still creating separation in their lives and consequently in their worlds. We have been taught to take care of our minds, our bodies and our spirits, that balance is key. Yet we still go about each thing with a sense of separation. Almost like a checklist: did my meditation, did my work out, off to the office...and the day runs on. The mindfulness stays on the meditation cushion or the yoga mat and does not enter in when we are cooking or shopping or doing any other task. I have always sensed that we were living our lives backwards, that there was to be a flow. That your physical exercise is meant to be a part of your living, that meditation is a state of being, not an activity. I do not formally meditate. There is a rebelliousness in me that does not like structure after so many years of living such a highly structured life. I can get lost in watching the breeze move a leaf or as I type this blog post. I was looking at some old journals and I had lists and lists: I will get up at 5 am and do my decrees, followed by exercise and then ten other things. On and on, I declared a day successful by what I had accomplished. I was a robot completing chores just as our mental programming dictates. I was such a good little slave!! And frequently I felt that I was not hitting the mark. I could get up earlier, work harder, keep the plates juggling in the air just a bit longer. Yikes! I felt such compassion for my earnest, striving self as I read those words. Taking everyone's issues as my own, believing that I could change someone's behavior if only I were more patient, or if I had done this or that differently. My, it is a wonder that I stood up straight with all the weight that I took on as my "rightful" burden. Whew. I am soooo grateful that those days are behind me and moving behind all of us.

In this new world that we are shifting into, the old programming is dropping away. We realize that we are of value for our beingness. There is nothing to do, no activity or endeavor that gives us value. We are inherently of value as our essence vibrates its signature out into the world. We can enhance that vibration, chose to bring it up or down, but to the Creator, our value does not change. I might assign more value to the tree that is shading me than one that has no leaves yet each is contributing its note to the whole. So we act from joy, from what makes our hearts sing. As more of us bring that energy into each moment of our days,

we enter into unity consciousness. As we chose to continue viewing and living our lives from a place of separation, we uphold that in the world. We have to realize that each action in our personal world, creates the larger world that we are living in. Every moment is sacred. Sounds almost trite but it is true. It is a practice to stay in a mindful awareness at all times. We flow in and out but by setting our intention as we put on our shoes: "Today I will walk each step in joy, each step I dedicate to anchoring peace on this earth." Or drink our water with the thought, "This water is feeding my essence, I am drinking liquid light." There are opportunities all day long to come back to center and allow our actions to serve on more than one level. Our intention makes it so. How easy is that? What a gift! Intention and attention.....flow. We can jump into the river of life and allow its current to take us. Our higher self has the plan well in hand. I affirm each morning my intention to align with my divine plan and the divine plan of Mother Earth. I do not know what that looks like. I trust that all that comes is taking me closer.

My towels, on the clothesline these dear trees are holding for me, are wafting on the breeze, my body is wanting to walk. There is a lovely 6 mile walk around the lake that is calling me. I haven't walked that far in awhile, I wonder how far I will go. I release any agenda, I know only that I want to walk. I intend harmony with the beauty around me. I am off.

Letting Go .......on a new level

Gotta love the turkeys! 7 little babies following mom. I haven't seen babies like this before so it was a special treat. I wanted to be one of the chicks, following mama, trusting her to care for them. And dear mama turkey, trusting to her inner knowing of how to feed and shelter her brood. Makes me think of our mother earth and how she has feed and sheltered us. How I can trust her to move through these times as she follows her instincts. I am coming back to a state of appreciation and joy with this beautiful world of ours. Spending a few days in Sacramento, which is where I raised the kids. I have some dear friends here that I love to spend time with but the energy of this place has never felt supportive to me. I feel flat here. It has been interesting as I had a vision of a net pulling all remaining ties, sorrows, wounds from my time here with my wasband, up and away from me. Yes, finally all the ties letting go. So as I sort through the last of my belongings, obsessing over what to fill my trunk with once again, I see that I am being gifted with so much more than letting go of the material things remaining. I know that I am lighter in that department than most folks yet I feel the heaviness of things. It is as if I no longer understand the way we operate. I am being shown that it is much more than having less things that is taking place. We are being asked to let go of certainty of any kind. We have been getting those lessons for awhile now. Now we are being shown a new way to be in the world. There is no planning, no setting a goal and pushing towards it. No more push, no striving. We are being asked to show up with hearts full of joy and appreciation and watch as the universe lines up with that to gift us. The gifts can be so much more than we had imagined. I find it so interesting! And exciting, and a bit unnerving also! It takes some practice and it feels odd.

I had thought that I was moving to Orcas Island and saw 6 months in my mind. Now it feels that I am to go and meet someone, take part in an activation and then leave. I am feeling the cool mists and my body is already dreaming of being in that moist environment. So odd since I am a sunshine gal but the mists are definitely calling me. I know that I will feel more energized and awake there. Two people then called me to say that they got a message that I would not be staying there. Ok, a second and a third on that after me feeling that. I am hearing to release any attachment to "finding a home". That seems to be the message. I am so wanting a home but am seeing that I cannot plan it. It is there for me but will happen in a new way, not by looking through Craig's list or the newspaper. I have to show up and perhaps keep showing up in new places until I feel the resonance that sets my heart a fire. Have been doing just that for over two years but now it is new. Also, the energies are changing so quickly that what felt like a probability one day, can change the next. My true home is in my heart and in the times we are in, this will become more evident for all of us.

Earthquakes yesterday on the east coast, very mild ones here in California. I woke yesterday morning from a dream where I was in a disaster scenerio and I knew that I was to quell the fear and panic by teaching folks to go into their hearts. I was showing them that they could float on their backs in the cosmos. Arms outstretched, floating in space, stars lighting up the darkness but being held in the love of the Creator. Ummmmm, so peaceful and lovely. I knew that I could entrain their hearts to mine if I was centered in my own heart. I knew that I had prepared for this and this was my work. Afterwards, I felt nauseous, received a call to join a conference call as an earthquake had happened. A group of us came together to call forth galactic, angelic and inner earth forces to assist us to assist the earth. A great deal of energy was moving and then we felt it settle and quiet.

Today I awoke feeling light and joyful. Now as evening settles in, I am tingling all over my body and feeling the energies arise again. Feeling layers of fear move through me, not my own but planetary. Holding to my heart. Tom Kenyon sent out a new message today http://tomkenyon.com/the-emergence-of-multiple-chaotic-nodes dealing with the challenging times that we are in. I love that the advice is to go into our hearts and feel appreciation. It is so simple. This is what will move us all through these times that appear so challenging. So many hearts are opening every day, we could run news shows that only featured folks describing how their hearts are softening and opening wide. This is the news that we need to be paying attention to!

This was a view as I headed out of San Francisco a few days ago. There are the signs signaling different directions, which lane should I get into? Where am I headed? I believe that these questions will become more evident as we are being asked to line up with more of our true essence. To let go of jobs, relationships, places that do not feed our soul. To get in the lane that feels joyful even though you have never taken that route before. To trust that your heart can lead and to accept that all the logic in the world cannot make the decision any longer. Ok, I am changing lanes once again as I line up with who I am in this moment. I am looking for the road that leads to mists and mosses and moisture. I am appreciating everything that surrounds this thought and not looking for the next. Rather sinking in deep to the appreciation of all that surrounds me in this moment. Crickets chirping, ceiling fan whirling, breeze gently coming onto the back of my head through the window. Ahhh, deep sigh.

Staring at the Clouds

San Francisco is an interesting place to be in the summer as it feels like winter! Fog rolls in and over the hill and the breeze makes me pull my wool hat down over my ears. I loved this cloud that looked like a tadpole skimming across the sky. I resonate with him, in the process of growing into my new form, floating in space that is neither sea nor sky. We think of tadpoles in water yet here he is floating amongst the clouds. This little guy is showing me the new way, I think that I am here on the earth, living my life when really I am floating in the clouds, trying to grow the legs that will allow me to walk across the bridge to the new.

Thinking about feelings and the way we tuck them into our hearts. I was reading something that said that our hearts are meant to be wide open, not closets full of old stuff we did not want to feel. I have been airing out my heart these past few days. Lying on the couch or bed in my daughter's apartment (this is why I am not camping right now...I needed a more comfortable perch than a tent in the middle of the day. I love camping but it takes energy and as I was running low, the idea seemed too hard.) I can look out at the trees (well only from the bed as the couch looks at the side of the building next door) and drift from my place of comfort. So I have been taking things out to air. Shame, guilt.. any of that in there? Today

I dozed and then was reading a light "junk food" type of book.....no real nutrition but just the ticket for the enjoyment factor sometimes, and I looked at the clock and saw that it was just about time to pick my daughter up from work. We had arranged to go and get her car from the garage where it had been serviced. I felt this guilt come over me..."oh no, the dishes from breakfast are still in the sink, my stuff is lying about, I haven't started dinner." Wow, a litany of shoulds came crashing down on me. I was the mother but it was as if my daughter would be upset with me. This was a really old pattern from my old life where I felt I had to meet some standard at all times. That my worth as a person was measured by what I had accomplished that day. Yikes! Ok, so there was guilt. Observe how he wants to speed up my adrenaline, make me move quickly when I am feeling languid and slow. He came and received a good airing and my daughter and I laughed about it as I related how this sense of panic had come over me.

I want my heart to be an open vessel that the Creator's love and energy can move through at will. That is my deepest desire. I feel that my body recently told me to stop and rest so that this housecleaning can take place. I have done most of the external housecleaning when I walked away from the house and its stuff a few years ago. This internal heart cleaning is a different story. My mind gets that stuff is just that.....stuff and that the world has too much stuff. You can always get stuff. I learned this lesson in my early twenties when one of my younger sisters committed suicide. She had been in the military overseas and one day a UPS truck pulled up and deposited a number of boxes of her stuff at my parents' doorstep. It struck me deeply that that was what was left at the end of your life......boxes of stuff that someone would have to sort through. A stark lesson. So, the material things have not been something that I cling to though I love beauty and like it around me.

Heart cleaning.....what else is in there. Anger. Hmmm. What does he have to say? Oh, he wants to talk until he feels heard. Tonight that happened with my daughter, not at her but she asked for my story of a difficult time in my life and the anger came. She listened with such compassion that I felt embraced in love. I was able to embrace my anger and thank him for helping me to move from a tough place. Anger had been a means of survival. For so long I could not even access anger as I felt shame for feeling anger at all. I was able to honor him and then he could transform. This heart cleaning, clearing is an interesting process. There is more to go but I feel lighter already....like when you clean out a closet or the garage. Once you begin, it can get a bit messy. Actually it does get messier as you get deeper into it. But then the tipping point is reached and you begin to see some clear space around you. I am enjoying that space tonight. A breeze blowing softly through. Calling in the violet flame to transmute the energy released (a bit like taking stuff to Goodwill, the violet flame transmutes it all into something good).

Tomorrow is a new day. I want to live it fully feeling everything in my life, not storing anything till a later date. Knowing that this is how our heart was designed. To fully feel all experiences in the moment so that it is open and ready for the next moment. I am loving this heart of mine tonight. I am letting my heart light shine.

In the Spiraling Energies

These photos are from the Zen center. Aren't you excited just seeing the brushes? I loved how the teacher kept these toys for the last day along with the big sheets of watercolor paper. It was the reward after sessions of small brushes and computer paper. You may not be able to tell but my arm is de-lighted as it made that swirl and held the biggest brush in my hand. FUN!

I chose this photo of the circle and that swirling movement as I am feeling a part of intense spiraling energies. Seeing so much stuff coming up and needing time to integrate, drop deep into my heart and allow the energies to flow. I had to cancel plans to leave today to head north. I am simply in need of rest. I have to honor my body and its needs. Breaking old patterns once again to state to myself that I am my highest priority.

Emotions rise more quickly to the surface when fatigue is present and can carry me along with them. I know not to resist these days, to allow the flow whether it is anger or sorrow. I prefer to be able to witness rather than be carried along with the tornadoes that have swept through me! So there has been surrendering. There is so much light coming into the planet and so much density being released. I have felt the deep sorrow and anger of the feminine moving through me the past few days. Wow! Big energy and it has swallowed me like a river at moments. Cry, sleep, eat. Down to the basics which is what happens when I am going through an expanding period. Not able to write or talk much, simply surrendering to what is. Allowing myself to align as a portal for the energy to move through as well as the divine love and peace to anchor in. We are being asked to let go in a big way as well as hang on through this phase by focusing on peace in our hearts.

A friend helped me this morning as I was describing this anger moving in me. He said, "View it as an emotional rash. You have a rash. Stop editorializing the whys of the rash, a rash will run its course. Knowing about it will not do much other than deciding how to deal with the itch." Now that made me laugh! Oh, I simply have a rash. So today I am going to take a nap and watch a funny movie as my way of dealing with my itch. This thought totally changed the energy from, "His behavior makes my blood boil!" to thinking of a rash that needs soothing. Whew......took the heat right out of it for me and put a smile on my face :)

I love friends and the ways that we can help one another shift and grow. Another friend called this morning and we were able to confirm some timings and movements that we both feel are happening. It is fun to find the puzzle pieces coming together. Another friend called yesterday to tell me he will be in town and also his plans for the coming months. I said, "you are following me, I am planning on being in those places also!" I am enjoying witnessing how the players are being gathered. Our families of light are gathering. My heart is getting hits of the joy and beauty just around the bend. This allows me to sink more fully into the present moment and see the beauty in what I am feeling and releasing. Much more than things of this present lifetime, rather we are letting go of sorrow, anger, frustration, fear, despair(the list goes on) from all of our lifetimes away from home.

Gratitude for it all and now, time for my nap!

Sobbing to Serenity in a Day......whew!

As a woman who has always been affected emotionally by the moon's pull, yesterday's full moon was significant for me. I could feel the pressure building as I completed my long drive. This painting I call solar flares. On top of the energies of the full moon, we have been experiencing the most intense solar flares ever seen. Truly, our sun is assisting mightily in this wake-up call to humanity. There is so much light pouring into our crown chakras, opening us to remembrance of our true nature as star beings. As the light floods in, the denser energies are pushed up and out. Wow, did I experience this! I found myself sobbing as I drove through the desert. Part of my mind was running a "you are nuts" tape which is a very old program I thought long gone from the line up. My heart was full to bursting with a feeling of expectancy. It felt like the day before each of my babies came. Your body is preparing, you see the signs that the birth is imminent yet it has not happened. You feel a frenetic energy of nesting instincts coupled with an immense fatigue that makes you wonder how you will get through the labor to come. Every cell in my body was ready to embrace and hold my baby. I wanted my baby so much. I want this new earth with a desire that fills every cell to bursting. I am so ready to embrace her, to live on and with her, to be a part of a world where all can live in peace, love, abundance and freedom. The desire is so deep and has been held so long (eons and eons of time) and it is now finally approaching. I felt I could not bear the wait. The mind program was running saying: "You made it all up. This is not real." I called a friend sobbing about how deeply tired I was and how I wanted to find my home. I am so ready to touch down on the earth where I feel that deep resonance. She assured me that it was that moment before the true stepping in. So close, oh, so close is my dream. Oh, to hold it in my arms! To live it in my days! To witness its beauty!

Yes, I am ready. The emotions washed through, betrayal.....haven't I experienced that emotion deeply this lifetime. Over and over again. Ok, I feel that I get the lesson, have learned not to betray myself. Have committed to myself, my truth. I processed this further with a friend. She saw the patterning throughout this lifetime and witnessed the pain surface and move. I had asked AA Michael to do psychic surgery and remove the memories from my cells. My friend and I took a swim and asked the water to take it. Water is so amazing at how it can move things for us and return them to the mother for transmutation. I felt the release from my cells. I then was guided to seek a massage from someone who understood energy to further facilitate my body's release. Today at the farmer's market, a friend introduced me to someone who she said gave great massages. As I looked at her, I understood that she was the one to help me with this. She understood that also so tomorrow morning, I will have a session. She said that she will have some information to share with me and I said, "Yes, I know that you will." These synchronicities are happening more and more in my life. I think of something and it is there for me. I am in the flow of life and trusting that stream more and more.

The divine mother did come through in Santa Fe

on the last night that my two friends and I were together. It was unexpected as one of my friend's flight was cancelled. So we had the gift of an extra evening. I felt the call for a ceremony at the beautiful womb rock outside the front door. We lit some sweet grass gifted to me from a grandmother in Mount Shasta. We offered our thanks for the time we had shared. And the Mother came through and acknowledged our work, telling us our time with our swords was over. We could let down our warrior selves and embrace our divine feminine fully. She gifted us each with a crown of stars. The crowns lay in the rock cavity and we were told to put them on. It felt beautiful and light on my head. Stars..imagine! We are to walk with the knowledge of our beauty in the world and hold our heads high. This may seem like the stuff of fairy tales and I realize how I do want to live in the world of fairies, dragons, angels, nature sprites and wonders.

As I drove through the desert and passed Las Vegas with its glitz and glamor, I saw that we are enticed in with castles with flags flying and other fantasy buildings. We want the world of fun and freedom but have been fed such a poor substitute. Our souls yearn for the real deal. I sat at a buffet eating my breakfast (it was the only choice for food) and watched the vacant faces eating piles of food but not being fed. I had to pass the casino where the slot machines rang out and felt the hollowness of it all.

We want to live in the magic lands that our souls know of. A post from a channel I respect just came out called the Wheel of Fortune speaking to this issue: http://consciousco-creationalcoaching.blogspot.com/2011/08/wheel-of-fortune-turning-point.html

It truly is upon us and if we tune in to our hearts, we can feel it. If we listen with our ears and see with our eyes what is being fed to us to incite the fear in our beings.......it looks like the world is collapsing. We have to come to center, move into our hearts and hold fast to our inner knowing. I have been accused of being a "Pollyanna", seeing only the bright side of life. As a visionary, it is my work and my gift. And finally, I am seeing it come into fruition. This is the time of claiming our mastery. We are all masters or we would not be on the planet now. We are being tested, the final run through before the party begins in earnest. Can we hold through this last scene and win our badges of honor? Yes, we can as the human spirit is mighty and we rise to each challenge with our hearts on fire. Crowns of stars are only the beginning. I want the full costume! Let's turn our heart lights on and blaze our way through this last night.

The last photo was an angel wing that accompanied me through the desert my last night of driving. They are here with us.