I drove home from Thanksgiving grocery shopping and saw this view. My eyes welled up with tears as I felt such love for San Francisco, the low cloud bank that was illuminated by the setting sun, radiant in its depths, the cables for the electric buses, the buildings on top of each other......all of it seemed so dear. I love this city. I prayed for the city of divine love to be made manifest over this city and for the love and peace to permeate everything and everyone. I have let go of when and how but I have the knowing that it will come and that a huge part of my being is engaged in bringing it to fruition. The past few days saw me falling back into old ways. I went through a scarcity fear as the numbers of my bank account fell below the figure my mind registers as comfort. That led to the old doing model...what can I do to make money? It has been a long time since I worked and brought abundance flowing in rather than flowing out. I have used these past years to allow a new relationship with money, seeing it as energy. I have enjoyed using it to support my kids, to support friends' work as healers or artists, to explore new ventures and landscapes for myself. I had abundance from my half of the house from the marriage days. I chose not to own anything and rather enjoy the energy of the money in ways that brought me more joy. The thing that I forgot for a day or two was that we can no longer create in the new energy in the way that we did in the old. I knew how to make abundance in the old model, work hard and if that does not work, work harder! The new energies of creation are different. It is about following our bliss and trusting the universe to provide the abundant flow. It is about less action and more feeling. We have to feel the feeling that we want to experience, visualize it and let it go. Then wait for inspired action to manifest and follow it when it arises. There has been nothing in the old 9-5 way of working that interests me at all. The educational system as it stands, must fall away. I know that the new coming in will have a place for me as a teacher once again. Until then...
I am enjoying my art making. I have an idea for a body of work that I can then pitch to a gallery for a show. I would also like to begin to use my sound healing in some manner though I have to get over my aversion to the word, healer. I believe that everyone is a healer, the healer of themselves. And there are those who are gifted with healing hands and energy that can provide amazing assistance. My knowing has been that I am a teacher, known that since I was three years old. Knew it as my dharma. So...that term totally resonates and healer feels foreign to me. I asked for assistance last night before sleep and awoke in the middle of the night with the words, Heart Whisperer echoing in my ear. That is what I am to print on a business card. Been a long time since I have had one of those! I see that I could begin to offer services as one who listens to someone's story, then reflects back the beauty of their heart (oh, this gets me so excited as my prayer each day is for every person to awaken to the beauty that they are). I would then allow whatever sounds chose to come through me to work with the energies that needed releasing or anchoring. I am ready to be more out in the world and to work with others. I like the idea of setting my own schedule and being able to do sessions in
person or through skype. There arises the fear...do I have what it takes to help anyone? Wonder if it does nothing? I read an article recently that said it is time to step out on faith and trust that your spiritual gifts will be given as they are called for.We have to take the leap and know that we will be caught. I know that I can see the beauty in others' hearts, it is second nature to me and I know that there are times that I need others to reflect my own beauty back to me to truly see it. I can do this, I can be wonderful at this.Wait a minute, I AM wonderful at this! It is the thing that I am most passionate about..heart light, liquid love light. Those words fill my consciousness. I passed this passion flower on my walk today, its brilliant purple essence and its starburst of gold..yum! I am a passionflower of love!
I think that the Thanksgiving energies are here already. I am feeling so thankful for everything today and the world reflected it back to me. I had a call from a friend tearfully expressing her gratitude that I am in her life (gave me the opportunity to express the same sentiments back to her as she has been my elder sister in so many ways), my son brought me a cup of tea as I lay in bed this morning (bliss! He is an angel), I had delightful interactions with a number of the other shoppers at the grocery store (there was a feeling of excitement and joy that permeated the store), I added coconut to my standard oatmeal, chocolate chip, walnut, orange cookies, packed some for my daughter and her boyfriend for their Thanksgiving camping trip and received a text, "World's best cookies!". I arranged some new flowers and drank in their beauty. Blessings abounding.
I feel excited, energized, full of creative ideas. I am so appreciative as it has been some time. Even my body wants to move! Hurrah! The past couple of mornings I have danced to this song: The Long Time Sun by Snatam Kaur on utube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5tJvY_P9vg&NR=1 and it made my heart dance with my body. Joy!
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